Make Mistakes

There is a lesson I’ve learned and think we could all use a refresher.

Make mistakes. Make big mistakes if you have too.

That is a life lesson that some of us understand innately. The gap between application and theory leaves a lot of potential growth untapped. Theory is better than ignorance, but it has its own blind spots, unexplainable to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves.

Still, it is understandable why people might shy away from a trial-and-error approach to wisdom. Shame. Discomfort. Failure. Hurting people who care about you. Failing to meet your own expectations. All of these are not only possible with making mistakes, but likely outcomes.

Yet it is far better to strive towards these pitfalls with haste and enthusiasm. Failure is unavoidable. Failure is a necessary step towards growth. Life without experiencing failure is the failure.

Put yourself out there. Bet on yourself, your abilities, your future. Even if it seems unsure. Especially if it seems unsure.

This is not only applies to the young, but to people from all walks of all spectrums of existence. The elders might think themselves above such pitfalls, but that only entrenches them in their comforts, from the high walls in which they can cast judgement.

Yet all people are quick to heap shame on others, deemed unworthy, or unsavory, or dim-witted. It is easy and tempting to imagine yourself superior, facilitated by comparisons to the vast reaches of the internet: compilation videos of gym failures or backyard brawls or some other outrage bait.

Today, in a drive to generate views, we film ourselves reacting, overreacting, to some already ludicrous instance of ignorance. Intersplice a chain of opinions from a suite of complete strangers simultaneously, so far removed from an action that isn’t even certifiably authentic. The viewer, just another link in the chain of snap verdicts, judges, jurors, executioners, all seeing, all knowing, All-Father. At least until the next finger flick.

Wrap this up in the cloak of a social justice warrior, unnecessarily “marked safe” status update, bully turned mourner at a suicide, selfie-at-a-funeral, fueled by unshakeable cognitive dissonance, “this is fine”.

I hate to sound like a pessimist. I’m not, but on the internet, rage makes for good content. Controversial sells views. Let me tell you my opinions on Kanye. Or Michael Jackson.

But I am worried. The social media generation, for all their good intentions, have their shortcomings around making mistakes. The drive to be inclusive has added a fear of being excluded. No one wants to be on the outside, and so no-one takes risks. There is a certain rigidity to their ways of thinking, the image one must portray to be of a certain group, aligned to a certain way of thinking. Discrimination, real or exaggerated, is a badge of honor. You can’t speak if you haven’t experienced trauma. Missteps in the age of video evidence and saved screenshots make the lessons more costly. Ostracized is not a pretty place to be. Neither is Twitter.

This isn’t to disparage anyone. But you don’t have to be damaged to be loved, or accepted.

But youth is akin to flexibility and the older you are, the harder it is to change the inertia of your trajectory. Time value interest says early investments can generate great returns in the future. A smart application of winging in, or committing to the bit, can have outsized pay offs in the richness of your experiences and the engagement in living life. All to say, if you aren’t satisfied with yourself, look inward and be fearless.

Changing yourself is a continuous process, something to look forward to, to draw optimism from. Reinventing yourself over and over is part of the journey into a more complete person. The fear, to me, is not changing. Holding fast isn’t nearly as rewarding as returning to your post. The journey away from your core tenets will inform you what exists outside of the boundaries. Taking risks will ground your resolve in the foundations that you choose, but because of all the plots you’ve seen, this is the one you like.

So too does the journey foster forgiveness for those who blunder around. It opens the mind to different skills and talents. And it’s also humbling to meet your limitations. As it is empowering to press past them.

You will never know what you might find. But in that process of finding out, it is inevitable to make mistakes. My mistakes have hurt people. The people who are closest are the ones hurt the most.

But that’s life. It would be foolishness to live without impact. Like a specter. It would be the vacuous dreams of the naïve to exist without error, to never wrong someone, or yourself. Do not squander of the precious moments we have in this existence by holding unreal expectations and accept that your best won’t avoid all the gaffes.

It is easy to be the critic. It is easy to shy away. To seek protection. From up on high, gazing down at the squaller and the trash, judgements passed instantaneously through clever and cutting comments posted for engagement metrics. I urge you not to join those ranks. It is far more admirable to be creating, than it is to tear down. It’s wasteful to be acerbic.

Too often in the open forum of the internet, criticisms are wrapped up as virtue signaling. Condemnation of evil is praiseworthy by likes and replies. Throwing stones from keyboards is easy, fun, and can elicit reactions from the incongruous hivemind. Throwing justified stones to cancel or bury people who are not truly evil, but of different opinions is dangerous. The machine-beast feasts on negativity. One day, if and when the erratic waves of internet piety catch you in their riptides, you’ll find fighting the vast oceans oppressive. Resigned to drowning in the current, the script flipped, not at all where you planned to be.

We expect perfection. I am always striving towards perfect. Or good enough. But no one is without sin. Confronting your demons is realizing they are a part of you. Virtue signaling offers no resolution. It only casts an illusion, as far as the pixelated monitors can reach. These days the screens are ubiquitous, so the illusion holds a lot of power, but it doesn’t make it more real.

Real is messy, riddled with unforced errors, painful lessons, scars, blunders and boils. Over and over. Time is a flat circle. Only those who’ve practiced it, know it to be true. Only those who’ve forgiven their own mistakes can forgive others for theirs. Only by experiencing can you say that you’ve lived.

Otherwise, it’s only in your head. Infinite, and nothing.